Haha

From Make magazine: How-To: Print from an iPad.

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55 Flash Fiction - Simultaneous Mutterings

"A mother has a heightened extra sensory perception, from having to read her progeny's needs, at least that is the theory, from those who believe in ESP," he said somewhat defensively.

"I know what brought that thought up and you are wrong, I just say 'Jinx' faster than you can... I still get a Coke."

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55 Flash Fiction - Thorpadine

Thorpadine. No meaning, context, memory or reason for it to pop into mind.

Upon a web search, it returned nothing. The word, the thought, disturbed. Total nonsense, this Thorpadine. Not an element, compound, drug, flavor, process, or name. Nothing to have triggered the word's popping up.

His thought was, "Be glad you didn't think it."

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55 Flash Fiction - Tim & Sal #17

"What's as almost twice my own height, has six arms, scales, a long tongue, sharp teeth and looks angry enough to chew the the turret off of an Army tank?" questioned Tim as he gazed out the window.

"If I thought you weren't kidding, I'd have to say, 'My wife.'"

"Yes, and here she comes."

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55 Flash Fiction - Tim & Sal #13

"So, what can you tell me about Roswell," Tim asked.

"What do you mean, 'What can I tell you about Roswell?'" replied Sal.

"You know, Roswell, New Mexico; 1947, UFO crash, government cover-up, alien lifeforms, advanced technology, Area 51, flying-saucers."

"I liked the theme song by Dido, and wish they'd have finished out the storyline."

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Why Am I Here?

I sometimes ask myself, "Why am I here?" It might be more fruitful to first ask myself, "What am I?"

An example of what I mean would be a BD-5 in the the woods. To ask, why is it here, without a clue as to what it is, would miss the point of how it got there, and probably, why it is in the woods (I'm making an assumption here, if you know what it is, you've more a clue than most). So first let's ask what it is, then answer that question.

Q. What is a BD-5?
A. A BD-5 is a small aircraft. (You may remember "James Bond" flying one through a hangar as the doors were being closed.)

Ok. Now we all know what it is. How can a small aircraft get into the woods?

Well, it can come out of the sky, it can float up from the water, it can roll in on a car/trailer/truck or its own wheels, or it can be carried by a small team (think high-school football pranks).

Examination of the condition of the BD-5 might give some clues, as well as looking for tracks/skidmarks, broken limbs, high-water marks on the trees, etc. Those could give some fine clues as to how it got there. With that answer, one might be able to make a close guess as to why its there.

The easiest way though, would be to ask the guy sitting in/on/around it, if he's alive.

Which brings me back to why I ask myself, "Why am I here?"

And you thought I could give you some answers. Gimme a break.

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55 Flash Fiction - GO!

"You're up against the fastest, most experienced. Your life may depend upon how fast you can be."

A series of sprints. Opponents smiling, some known to cheat. Some as gentle as babes, with that well known smell of babies.

"On your Marks! Get set!"

"Wait a minute while we break your legs with this sledgehammer."

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I'm Voting Republican...

NOT!!!


Brought to you by fine thoughtful folks. :)

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Despair

He was pretty sure the next name on the list was his own. It felt like it. He could feel the impending presence, could hear the rustling of coarse cloth, could smell the stench. The Grim Reaper must have been in the neighborhood.

The phone rang, an unrecognized number appeared and for a brief moment it brought hope that someone was calling about a job. A moment of brightness that was just long enough to repel the feeling of imminent death. It was a wrong number, and the lady apologized. He hung up.

He was filled with hope for a moment, and reminded that hope is always there, so long as life is. He knew she couldn't hear him, but he said it aloud, "You may be sorry, Lady, but you gave me hope. Thank you."

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55 Flash Fiction Friday - Dark Waters

Holding his breath, the plunge caused a splash. The water was dark, but he was desperate, the flow of matters was being impeded and he wasn't about to allow that. With an undulating motion, his actions were smooth and sure. Then relief.
He asked himself, "What do my neighbors eat to stop up my toilet?"

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Lessons Learned From My Digital Pal

I used my PC Saturday night. It worked flawlessly, and as usual, I left it on. I leave my PC on virtually 24/7.

I got up Sunday and played a couple of games of solitaire. I looked and saw that I had email that had come in earlier, one asking me to respond to my Happy Birthday wishers. I went to blogger's comments, and got an error.
I tried refresh, -error. I tried pinging Google, no DNS. I tried logging into my router, couldn't get there even though I use the numeric IP address to get it.
By this point I'm getting perturbed. Go to look at my router, make sure the power is on and it is. I look at the link lights, three connections as usual. Wait, one of them has only two of the three LEDs lit. Try the cable in a couple of the other sockets. Shite, I vacuumed last night, so maybe I pulled the cable loose from one of the connections.
Find my crimper tool look through half a dozen boxes I might have left it in. Not there. Look on the shelf under my PC, there it is. I unplug both ends of the cable from my PC and router. Stick the end into the tool, squeeze to assure connection. Plug in both ends. Same thing, the PC thinks its connected, one link light out, so I've concluded its one pair of the cable out. Well I haven't been kinking the cable so I don't think the actual wires are broken, just the connector ends aren't making contact.
Time's ticking, I still haven't responded to my friends.
Crap, gotta find my connectors, they're not with the tool as I had them before. Back through the half dozen boxes, there they are.
Back to the PC & router, unplug the two cable ends. Grab my wire cutters, cut off the ends. Grab a razor knife, carefully score the sheath, strip the outer sheath off, grab the end I just removed for the color reference. Straighten the wires and arrange them, white/orange, orange, white/green, blue, white/blue, green, white/brown, brown. Cut the ends off even, insert into the connector, confirm I haven't inadvertently rearranged the wires, insert into crimper tool, and crimp. Pull the other end out so I can work in the light, instead of under the desk with the dust bunnies. Same thing, cut, strip, straighten, arrange, cut, insert, confirm, insert, and crimp. Time's ticking. Plug both ends in.
Darn it! Same thing, two of three LEDs lit. Oh no, its the NIC on my motherboard. Just want to make sure its not the cable, so let me plug in something else instead of the PC. Pull out a brand new NIC card, still has the cellophane wrap on the box. Pull the PC end of the cable, plug it in. No LEDs lit. It needs power. I don't yet feel like unplugging all the cables from the back of the PC.
Well there's an old hub, Ok. Plug the cable into the hub. No LEDs lit. Crap. Find a power cord to plug in the hub.
Dig through the closet, found one.
Plug it into the hub, then the power recepticle. Power LED is on, no connect LEDs on it are lit. Wait, this would need a crossover cable the way I have it wired. OH, unplug it and plug it into the WAN connector of the hub. Lights, both ends. Crap!, the cable is good, means the PC isn't.
Well, I at least have a good PCI NIC. Unplug the cable and power from the hub. Turn off the PC.
I don't feel like this now, need to eat something. Eat. Procrastinate.
Well, I need to get back up. Just for grins, lets turn on the PC and see if it was something needing to be reset.
Plug in the cable, turn on the PC.
DOH!

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Georgy Porgy

Georgy Porgy, pudding and pie,
Kissed the world and made us die.
When the boys fell down to lay,
Georgy Porgy ran away.

COME OUT TO PLAY
Girls and boys, come out to play,
The moon doth shine as bright as day;
Leave your supper, and leave your sleep,
And come with your playfellows into the street.
Come with a whoop, come with a call,
Come with a good will or not at all.
Up the ladder and down the wall,
A half-penny roll will serve us all.
You find milk, and I’ll find flour,
We could be dead in half an hour.

Hmm. After having done this, it seems it might make a good tag, so to anyone desiring to, here it is: Rewrite a Mothergoose Nursery Rhyme, hundreds may be found at www.mothergoose.com. Extra points for double entendres.

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What a handsome dork.

My thanks to Courtland

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Toyota Camry Commercials & Drunken Sailor

I kept hearing the tune Drunken Sailor, coming from my television, so I finally caught the source. I normally don't actually watch the TV most of the time, but listen to it as I do my thing on the computer. Well, it would seem the source is Toyota Camry commercials. I have to ask the question, "why are they using this theme?" Are they trying to entice the nautical minded? Are they trying to attract drunks? Or, are they just relying on the ignorance of the public to not recognize the tune? I'm inclined to believe the latter, and figure they are laughing at the public's lack of cognizance. Its amazingly inappropriate music for something that should be viewed as safe.

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European Constitution

Well, you've likely heard the news that France voted down their acceptance of the European Contstitution. I think this may be because the French do the European thing all the time. French roast coffee is changed to European coffee all over the world. It goes like this.
You drink a pot of French roast coffee. Afterwards, the next thing you know, its you're a peein' coffee.

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We dont need no shtinking Intelligence

Thinkers? We don't need no shtinking thinkers. Intelligence? We don't need no shtinking intelligence. Wait, that's a double negative. We don't need no shtinking telligence.

So goes the wisdom of some, in the ignorance of their own thoughts. We, as a society, need thinkers and intelligence more than ever. Thinkers and intelligence is all we have to prevent society from being lead down the path of destruction. The manipulators and selfish are the enemies of society, the deceivers of the lazy. We must be ever vigilent and question actions we are told that are necessary, and forever doubt the motives of those who would lead us to such self destructive ends. We must forever protect the rights that our founding fathers wished for society, no matter what we may be told otherwise. We must perform our due diligence to those things that are really important for society as a whole and quit paying attention to things that will not affect our children's futures like sports.

Sports are meant to be participated in, not watched, not studied like the stock market. Whether or not Joe Blow hits, runs, throws, catches or jumps more than anyone else has does not have any bearing on the direction of the country. Its all fluff, presented to keep minds off of the wrongs being performed by those who would take your very life if it meant they could pocket a few more cents for whatever they have an investment in.

They, who have no qualms telling us this, whatever this may be, is wrong, while doing it -and worse- themselves. Those who would take your job, because they can have someone do it for less elsewhere, and try to tell you that it is good for the company, so its good for the country. Well, tell that to the people who are working and not making enough to feed their children properly, because their job went elsewhere. Tell it to those who lose their homes. Tell it to the ones who are dying because they can't afford health care. And tell it to the ones who did it when the investments are seized by governments, when it happens. It will happen. And when the world's economy goes belly up, tell it to everyone.

Give in to fear, and fear forever. Don't give 'em an inch, because we all know what they'll take. Remain vigilent, remain free.

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Whoa

Last night was different. I was asleep on the sofa, again. I was awakened by a loud bump against my apartment wall. I looked at the time, 1:42 AM. Groggy, I parted the shades to look out over my porch. There was a girl on the ground, between my porch and the hedge. She crawled out to the hallway of the building on her hands and knees. She also crawled out of her pants. This girl had to have been toasted. She got to her feet and I stepped out of my apartment to see if she was OK, since she may have been assaulted. I asked her if she was OK as she climbed the stairs, to which she replied, "never better." Some people just make you wonder.

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