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Friday, September 22, 2006

Words To Not Live By

One of the things I learned after graduating high school, after much disappointment with the way things were (a mistaken assumption, I assure you,) was the danger of the word "should". "Should" should be abolished (well, used a lot less in our minds, anyway).

I found that when I thought of what "should be," I was nearly always disappointed. The disappointment almost always led to anger, the anger to unruly or socially unacceptable behavior, and most often regret. That's not a happy place to visit, much less to live.

These days I find life much more appealing if I avoid the thought of any form of the word. I avoid thinking of the past's "should have", the present's and the future's "should". People tend to disappoint me less when I don't apply the words to their behavior. I hope that I cause less problems with others when I say, "I did
", "I do", or "I will", at least its more decisive.

Let me tell everyone out there, don't let others tell you that you should or shouldn't. That's being manipulative, kind of like, I guess, I'm being. But I really think my manipulations will make us all happier. ;)

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25 Comments:

At Sunday, September 24, 2006 at 1:50:00 PM EDT, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

Hey Charles
I see u have this innate quality of being tactful..that is being able to pass across your diapproval without alienating people...another feather in your cap...
But then that is me NOT being manipulative.I dont believe anybody can manipulate us unless we allow them to. Somebody insults us, pushes a button and we react. We are angry, we jump on him..and we call that action or behaviour...But mind you..it is not action...it is just reaction...THAT is when we have been manipulated..when we function like a machine at the push of a button. That is what ppl do to you..they put you on, they put you off...like a switch bulb...
Somebody comes and puffs you up, your ego & you feel so great; and then somebody comes and punctures you and you are simply flat on the ground...it happens when you are not your own master...
Then besides..I agree about the shud factor being abolised. No one has the right to tell us what we shud or shud not do...not even the religion..in fact least of all religion...That makes us slaves to a belief system & we become so conditioned to them that we want the truth to conform to our beliefs , when it is the other way round...
& like I said so many times before...no one is born for other...no one is here to fulfill the ideals of others as to what he/she shud be..& no one is a slave of others.
Yes when we think of how the way things SHUD be, we are inevitably in for a disappointment...This happens mostly where commitments are concerned for that is where we start taking ppl for granted.That is where ppl become a burden on one another and lose the capacity of sharing their joys, sharing their freedom..and becoming a misery for each other.
Love and freedom are the highest values of life and are not to be reduced to the rituals of 'Shud'.Even The 'I will' has an inherent danger of becomming ' I shud' Or 'You shud'in the future..just because sometime in the past you said "I Will".
Anyway..reacting too strongly against ' shud' is another manipulation of sorts...So we give it the benefit of doubt of being just a social convenience, whose purpose is not to imprision you or to bind you to each other, but just to help you grow with each other.
But still...growth needs freedom..and without freedom, they say, love dies... for love and freedom go together...you cannot choose one and leave the other...

At Sunday, September 24, 2006 at 2:02:00 PM EDT, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

& hey...please forgive me with yet another benefit of doubt called ' cutural shock' I had written an article on the same entitled.' cultured, uncultured or just culture?'. In a world gone global today, we never know, when we might be uttering something that is all right with us, yet may be shocking or even atrocious to people of another culture.Just an example...when we are graet pals or love each other in my country..we automatically get the freedom to call each other names like 'stupid' or 'fool'..just in affection. But ppl of another culture may take offence on that one.Then..remember while the men landed on the moon for the first time, the whole world watched. The American gave a thumbs up signal then, which actually was a sign of victory for his countrymen. The japanese were shocked and offended over the same...because for them the gesture is vulgar meaning 'up ur...'
We Indiand are very warm, open hearted ppl. That does not mean we are comming on too strong...

At Monday, September 25, 2006 at 1:37:00 AM EDT, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

just publised one of my 'ayesha' poems on the blog...you can check it out and tell me what you think..

At Tuesday, September 26, 2006 at 9:01:00 PM EDT, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

..and yet another few of them...and then...you dont ' analyse' them...you critically appreciate....check them out...also the answer to your comment...

At Wednesday, October 4, 2006 at 1:30:00 AM EDT, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

hey...I heard they are sending a movie called' Rang DE Basanti" from here for Oscar nominations.I dont think it will bag one..but if you do get a dubbed version U can see it, if you want.It is depiction of REALITY of democratic India after more than 60 years of independence.Not very well presented..but what best they cud do to fit within three hours time...just like the Da Vinci code movie..which was nowhere as good as the book.
And you didnt tell me...do you think they are too nihilistic...those poems???
will they evoke too much criticism if published...I am in a dilemma...I feel I shud publish what is philanthropic and positive...

At Thursday, October 5, 2006 at 9:27:00 PM EDT, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

I have heard the shortest psychiatric joke...

A man asked another ' are you a psychiatrist?'
The other man said ' why do you ask?'
And the man said,' so you Are a psychiatrist.'

Explaining things is a gestalt of the West..so I have noticed, and it has taken an epidemic proportions.Psychoanalysis is always trying to get to the ' why' of everything...as if by knowing why, everything would be solved.Your father was such, your mother was such, your childhood was such..that is 'why'you are unhappy'...and you become happy. You become happy because now you have a rationalisation.It is almost an obsessive compulsion to analyse each and everything and find out the cause..it has grown to the extent of becoming a collective neurosis...like women meeting at a club and discussing about their psychiatrist and his 'profound' analysis. And everything is reduced to its lowest denominator...the lower the better...Ask a psychoanalyst;' what is the cause of this lotus?' and he will say 'The mud'.
explainations and explainions...clever consolations...something to hide behind...

Life has to be faced...it is rough..there is much pain, but pain has to be faced. Misery has to be encountered..passed through..without explainations..without consolations. if you can live without theorization..moment to moment, one day, you arrive at a source of joy, which is not a consolation..which is a contentment.

Consolation; a rationalisation...contentment; a realistion.
So have no regrets, saying...'if only I had studied more pychoanalysis...'

At Friday, October 6, 2006 at 8:00:00 AM EDT, Blogger Charles $visitorIP said...

How very "western" of you. It would seem in your advice to me, you have analized and explained my joke with you.
Joking aside, I think you should publish all of your poems, they are your creations. God made mosquitos and fleas and he released them. Your feelings about how positve they are may lay deeper than you are looking. Part of the puzzle is to learn to think positive. I don't always think positive, but sometimes it is only after something has come from me that I can look at or look back at, can I see that I wasn't thinking in a way that I would desire. Don't knock our analysis of things in our trying to discern the root cause, sometimes it works, whereas Not looking will most certainly assure the failure of self improvement. I want the world that my progeny lives in to be better, to be perfect really, and the only real affect I can effect is with me. Its the only place I have real power to change.

At Sunday, October 8, 2006 at 3:14:00 AM EDT, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

Hey..I think you are so absolutely right...I did not think it from that perspective...it really makes a lot of sense too.
Perhaps, in the kind of life we lead here, our thinking varies.I think it is the time factor.Sometimes, by the time you reach the root cause, it is already too late...
I will give you a very flat example of our Indian society.The system of judiciary.It literally crawls, & justice, though it may not be denied altogether, it is equivalent to being denied.A rape case, for example would take about ten years to solve[ if it can really be solved at all, because most of the time due to delay, the witnessess turn hostile, just to get rid of the trouble]and then imagine, if a girl was raped ten years ago, and then carried on with her life , got married and had children, and then suddenly, they want to call her to the witness box, because her case which was lying pending in the files for so long, has finally reached its opening time.Even the woman does not want to pursue it anymore as she does not want her past to come back and haunt her and disturb her family life anymore.So where is the use of reaching the 'root cause'.Our psychoanalysis is also similar..by the time, the so called doctors reach a conclsion, the patient might be dead.So we hardly think in that term anymore out here.
But yes..you are right...the right way is to reach the root cause, because if you are disturbed by a poisinous tree..how long can you keep on cutting its branches...you must take it out from the roots if you have to get rid of it once and for all.
Expedient may be a good umbrella, but a weak roof...
But in India..we are surviving on expedients only..otherwise there is no survival at all...
And yes..you are 'absolutestly'[sic] right, when you say, that the trick is to learn to think positive.
In fact that is one of the thing, I really like about you..you exude a lot of positive aura from which one can really derive a lot of strength when one needs to.
See..it works here, till so far away :)...so you friends there are really lucky I must tell them
[ Courtland..are you listening???]

At Sunday, October 8, 2006 at 3:33:00 AM EDT, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

Charles
I just read your comment on my blog.
Yes you are right.
Thank you charles, I have got my answers.I just needed someone like you to tell me.
There are times when you want to hear it from someone whom you respect and can trust[ even if by instinct].

At Sunday, October 8, 2006 at 8:24:00 PM EDT, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

...run Forrest run...that's it!

At Friday, November 3, 2006 at 1:29:00 PM EST, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

hey charles...someone just sent an instant msg to me saying I looked horribly emaciated in that pic on my blog, with my 'sunken' cheeks...What a compliment :)

At Thursday, November 9, 2006 at 8:45:00 AM EST, Blogger Charles $visitorIP said...

Sounds like the rotund complaining to me. I have been tempted to say something about your photo, but hey, not all photos can be scratch-free. ;)

At Thursday, November 9, 2006 at 1:26:00 PM EST, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

hey hey hey...so u noticed...and it was retrieved from a trashbin after its mutiliation...:D...
ok then check this one...on my blog of course...& tell me tell me!!
by the way..came here to ask u how u feel about the recent election results...

At Thursday, November 9, 2006 at 2:05:00 PM EST, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

on another thougt..if u think one is a too many...then check yet another one there...specially for your eyes...

At Friday, November 10, 2006 at 12:39:00 AM EST, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

hey charles..now u have me anxious...what is this spying thing you are telling me about??..& why wud anyone do that?..and who is this mr. Trend Micro????

At Wednesday, November 15, 2006 at 10:57:00 AM EST, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

" the real you seem to be faring better than your two dimentional counterparts"...

Un ke dekhe se jo aa jaati hai moonh par raunaq/ woh samajhte hain ke beemaar ka haal achchaa hai...

:) just humming a couplet I was reminded thereof...

At Friday, November 17, 2006 at 9:36:00 AM EST, Blogger Charles $visitorIP said...

Now you have me at a disadvantage. I haven't the foggiest idea what the meaning of that is, since I speak only an Americanized version of English.

At Saturday, November 18, 2006 at 8:26:00 AM EST, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

Un ke dekhe se jo aa jaati hai moonh par raunaq
woh samajhte hain ke beemaar ka haal achchaa hai;

hum ko maaloom hai jannat ki haqeeqat lekin
dil ke khush rakhne ko ghalib yeh khayaal achchaa hai;

The sight of him illumines my face with such a radiant glow; that it puts him under a misconception that the all's well with my ailing soul.

And although I know the truth about an illusion called 'heaven';yet, its a picture pretty and hopeful enough, to keep my heart in a happy stance...

At Sunday, November 19, 2006 at 7:41:00 AM EST, Blogger Charles $visitorIP said...

Then perhaps you need to communicate with him. No doubt you have legitimate feelings that are entirely your's. You need to be honest about those feelings, strive to understand them, change them if they are unreasonable, live with them if you must. Life is too short to miss the opportunity to be happy, and the only thing that can change that, is you. Happiness comes from inside yourself, any dependancy on others or certain situations to "make you happy" are certain to disappoint. Some of the unhappiest people are the ones who have attained all that most of the world will never know. Some of the happiest people have only what they need, some less than that, but have what other's may never know. Nobody's life has been easy. Heck, everybody has a story of how hard their life has been, an explanation of why it is so hard. Just like it is better to look at what each of us has in common than to look at our differences, it is better to look at what we have to be thankful for than to look at what we don't have.

At Sunday, November 19, 2006 at 7:51:00 AM EST, Blogger Charles $visitorIP said...

Oops, that should be "others may never know" not "other's."

At Sunday, November 19, 2006 at 1:32:00 PM EST, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

communication is fine...fine art I mean...not all of us are adroit in that respect; and specially with those who tend to misinterpret you in almost all respects, just because they can't think on your level...
anyway...right now I live in the 'suchness' of my being.I am happy, if happiness means 'not being unhappy'..guess that is the general trend usually...
And yes, I do agree with you.Some of the happiest ppl in this world are those that have little. Their life is so utterly beautiful because it is so profoundly free from human bondage...
ppl misinterpret, that their aloneness is creating their sadness, and the whole idea, that to be alone is to be sad creates all problem...
aloneness misinterpreted looks like lonliness. Loneliness is when you are missing the other. And who is the other?Any excuse that helps you drown your consciousness, any intoxicant...a man, a woman, a book...anything..anything that takes you away from self rememberance...lonliness is a negative state the other is missed and you start searching...seeking.Aloneness is immensely beautiful; as it is the moment when the other is no longer needed, when one is enough unto himself, when you are so full that you can pour it into the whole exisitence and it will still remain there. Aloneness is a rich state, whereas loneliness spells being poor...
no charles..you misinterpret me, just becuse I hummed some tune...maybe I like the tune, more than I do the words themselves...that is why, I did not bother to interpret them the first time I wrote them...
..and such is my being, that I rather relate, than communicate...because therein lies the danger of being misinterpreted...

At Sunday, November 19, 2006 at 1:50:00 PM EST, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

very few ppl attain to happiness, and those are the ppl who attain first to aloneness..when you are surrounded by a climate that suffuses you in light...you are immersed and bathed in it, and its freshness goes on welling up in you...that is when you start sharing...a song is born in your heart and you have to sing it..shower it...unaddressed, your inner flowering realeases the fragnance...there is no effort..eforts to escape into distractions would have bad results, because that wud mean escaping from your innermost treasure..from your richness...from your kingdom!

>humour< do you sense a' bi-polar disorder' doctor?;-)

At Friday, November 24, 2006 at 1:22:00 PM EST, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

Happy Thanksgiving charles...a little belated I guess...
Love you my friend...
Best wishes

At Monday, December 4, 2006 at 8:05:00 AM EST, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

Festive time around..isnt it?...who do you usually celebrate christmas with?...& hey Charles...You never told me when your birthday is...!!!

At Tuesday, December 5, 2006 at 7:32:00 PM EST, Blogger Dizzy $visitorIP said...

hello!...when do we get a new post??? Where are you???

And I somehow managed a simple post.{ and dont ask me how THAT picture got spoiled.It was probably stored in an attic,partially eaten by white ants!See? My pictures seem 'Star Crossed' :-)}

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