Self

Saturday. The weekend, the reason we work through the week. A bit of our lives we can call our own. The opportunity to visit those we love, those we are connected to, those that are important to our well being. So much to say and not enough time or words to say it. The chance to look around and take stock. The chance to sleep in for some. Cartoons and sci-fi, movies and food.

I thank my lucky stars, thank life, the sun, the source of all that is good, thank the universe, thank god. I believe in something more than us, than what we can see, then again maybe its just the confluence of chance and circumstance. I can't be sure, but there is the wise words that go something like, "I'd rather believe and find there is no God, than not believe and find out there is."

I don't believe in attending organized church services, though. I'd rather not have someone with an ulterior motive telling me what he thinks, too many have been led astray, been fleeced, been told who to vote for, have lost their lives, have taken others lives. I can't condone the holier-than-thou attitudes I have seen, the indirect manner of teaching people to hate, when the thing that should be taught is to love. Religions are almost entirely made up of groups who hold the idea that the only true religion is their own.

If god is everywhere as has been held out, then wouldn't he be as diverse as we are? Wouldn't all people be doing those things that they are supposed to? Gee, I suppose that my attitude may need to consider that last line, maybe that's the way they are supposed to be. I suppose even my acceptance of others needs work, and I try not to be judgmental of others, but I suppose I am being judgmental about others being judgmental. Oh well, ce qui sera, sera. I suppose that you just can't win at some things. Or maybe I'm just being a hypocrite, but that isn't my intention.

I hold on to things like my own (twisted?) sense of mores, even when it isn't good for me. I haven't much, but I have my sense of self, and that's what makes up most of what I perceive as me. When you do something against what you believe, you risk losing your sense of self. Believe me, I know, I've done it. It takes a lot to find yourself afterwards. Some people do it for their jobs, so you wonder, "How could someone give up that much of themselves, for so little?".

Honor. I have my honor when I don't violate those things that define to me, who I am. Besides, I don't like to feel guilty.